One morning this past week, our German Shepherd jumped in our bed before it was time for my alarm to go off, so a little earlier than preferred… but I digress.

He usually only does this when there is a storm where thunder and lightning are involved. I’ve always had a heart for dogs who are afraid of storms. Just being a soothing voice and set of arms to wrap around the ball of fur, gives me a sense of purpose. During storms that might normally frighten me, I’m able to stay calmer because my focus shifts to caring for him.

However, that morning, neither my husband nor I thought it was supposed to storm, and we didn’t hear any thunder.  I decided to go ahead and get up for the day and check on the weather. Could I let our anxious pup outside? Sure enough, when I opened the door I saw that it might have rained some but not enough to be considered a storm. At that moment, it was safe for him to go out. 

I’ve realized that dogs who have fears like this are prone to perceive the danger before it even arrives. Every now and then, like this morning, they pace and pant only for nothing bad to happen. And oh aren’t we so similar sometimes?!?

I don’t usually do this, but I am putting Trigger Warning here for anyone who might have experienced trauma from a natural disaster, especially if it involved tornadoes and still might upset you to read about my personal experiences…

*** Trigger Warning *** 

If you lived in Alabama or knew anyone who did on April 27, 2011, it didn’t take you long to recollect this date as one that caused utter devastation across the state. There was so much damage and power outages that lasted for days. There was some beauty that came from that experience though, families and communities coming together to help one another whether it was as simple as allowing a neighbor to use your generator or as big as cleaning up debris and welcoming others to stay with you until they found somewhere to relocate while waiting for major repairs or find a new home altogether.  If you thought this was going to be a story about my experience from that tragic day, you would be wrong…

Alright Buckhorn High School Alums, here is your 2nd Chance to exit this post…

Less than a year later, on Friday, March 2, 2012, an EF-2 Tornado directly impacted my life in more ways than one. On just an average day, or so I thought, there I was sitting in my AP English class when my teacher received a text from her husband letting her know that a Tornado Warning was in effect and that we needed to head to the hallway to take shelter. I’m not sure if any of us were even expecting bad weather that day, but it came nonetheless. I remember sitting against the wall for only a brief period of time before they told us to get down on our knees and take cover. 

It happened so fast! The shut double doors swung open with a slam; wind gusts entered the hallways; a teacher I hadn’t even met was on top of me and another student; the sound was horrifying; and just like that, it was over. I heard screams about the teachers’ cars in their parking lot and gasps of disbelief about damage to the JROTC building. That was when my heart sank…

The JROTC building had been like a second home to me for those 3 years of high school. I made such good friends in that building and found so much purpose being a part of that program. I knew that during that block my instructors had their planning period. That gave me some relief as I knew none of my classmates had been inside, but I was so scared that my instructors had been inside. Praise God that they weren’t and no one on the school campus was hurt that day, only buildings and vehicles which are repairable and replaceable. 

AL.com reported it this way:

“It was shortly after 10 a.m. when what appears to be a tornado crossed Maysville Road and went across the soccer field at Buckhorn High, toppling the soccer press box, ripping holes in the roof of the JROTC building and crashing into the south side of the main high school…Teachers said the winds sucked open classroom doors. Drop ceiling was damaged throughout the south side of the building and laminated signs were torn from the walls.”

See images below of the damage along with one of my JROTC instructors looking up at the hole in the roof right above where his desk was located and my AP English teacher, AP Biology teacher (whose classes I had been in that morning) and a student looking out the science hall window which was completely blown out:

Another Trigger Warning for mentions of suicidal ideation, severe depression, and anxiety…

*** Trigger Warning *** 

Summer before my Junior Year of High School (the year of the March 2012 tornado), I went through some really difficult moments that led to me doubting my worth, wanting to die, and imagining the ways that I would be comfortable getting the job done. I know this may sound morbid, but that was what I was living through at that time. I had never experienced thoughts like these before. It was so bad doctors were telling me I would have to go to the hospital if I kept having them. Being a student that survived that tornado really helped me value my life and realize I didn’t truly want it to end. Have I struggled with thoughts like that since then? Unfortunately, yes, more times than I can count. However, because of my faith in God’s goodness and power, I keep pushing through, seeking him in the pain and anxiety. He hasn’t failed me yet, and I trust he never will!

Fear of repeated trauma is truly frustrating, especially when you are a Christian and God has proven time and time again that when he says, “Do not be afraid” it is because he is the one in control. There have been many tornadoes in the past 13 years since that day. I cannot honestly say that I haven’t felt terror almost every time I hear that there is a tornado warning in my area or near my loved ones. I am constantly texting those I love to “stay safe” during those times because I know that I could have gone through something much worse. 

My parents lived in Harvest, Alabama during both years of the tornado outbreaks and witnessed the devastation times 2 in that area. I stayed with them over breaks when I was in college, and anytime a tornado warning was in effect, I was the first one to get into the bathtub. 

There were tornadoes recently. One indirectly impacted me by hitting our church property in Madison and traveled a path where many of those in my church family live. Thankfully, no damage was done to our church that couldn’t be repaired, and my dear friends from church are all safe. The week after that an unexpected tornado warning went off in some of the same spots as the week before where family lives. I hate to admit it, but I still panicked all these years later. 

I will say that I believe there is a difference between living in fear and the Holy Spirit giving us wisdom in order to take necessary precautions to keep us safe. But because I have the Holy Spirit living inside me as my guide, it is disheartening that my mind and heart race during every bad storm with even the potential to spiral into a tornado. 

In those moments where I feel trapped in a storm, physically and metaphorically, the Lord reminds me of the following passages:

“As evening came, Jesus said to his disciples, “Let’s cross to the other side of the lake.” So they took Jesus in the boat and started out, leaving the crowds behind (although other boats followed). But soon a fierce storm came up. High waves were breaking into the boat, and it began to fill with water. Jesus was sleeping at the back of the boat with his head on a cushion. The disciples woke him up, shouting, “Teacher, don’t you care that we’re going to drown?” When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Silence! Be still!” Suddenly the wind stopped, and there was a great calm. Then he asked them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?” The disciples were absolutely terrified. “Who is this man?” they asked each other. “Even the wind and waves obey him!””
‭‭Mark‬ ‭4‬:‭35‬-‭41‬ ‭NLT‬‬

About 5,000 men were fed that day, in addition to all the women and children! Immediately after this, Jesus insisted that his disciples get back into the boat and cross to the other side of the lake, while he sent the people home. After sending them home, he went up into the hills by himself to pray. Night fell while he was there alone. Meanwhile, the disciples were in trouble far away from land, for a strong wind had risen, and they were fighting heavy waves. About three o’clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. When the disciples saw him walking on the water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out, “It’s a ghost!” But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!” Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.” “Yes, come,” Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?” When they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped. Then the disciples worshiped him. “You really are the Son of God!” they exclaimed.
Matthew 14:21-33

Both times Jesus wanted to know why his disciples’ didn’t have faith in him. The first time he was with them the whole way,  just sleeping.  The next, he appeared, walking on water. Peter was specifically challenged after asking Jesus to call him to walk on the water toward him if he really was Lord. So, Jesus told Peter to come; as soon as Peter looked away from Jesus at his circumstances, fear hit. Peter began to sink, quickly calling out for Jesus to save him, which of course, he did. They both got in the boat with the winds dying down making the waves still once more. 

Jesus wants us to know that he is with us in our storms even when it doesn’t feel like it. He is there to calm the storms in our lives and he calls us to trust him to get to the other side sometimes fully stepping out in faith to walk on the water over to him.  Unlike Peter, we cannot physically see Jesus standing on the water in front of our boats. We have these stories as the truth we can hold onto when we become afraid to reignite the faith inside us and remind us to fix our eyes on him and he will make sure we reach the other side safe and stronger than before! 

The disciples also saw Jesus for who he truly is and worshiped him. We are encouraged to worship him even when the storm is still raging. God is in control in the eye of the storm! 

Look to Jesus when you are going through dark, gloomy, scary, rough, and painful times. Allow him to turn your fear into faith and panic into peace! The wind and waves know his voice and must obey! He is with you even in the chaos of this life!